Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Blog Confessional #209

Welcome to the confessional!

Here's how it works. Every week I post a confession and invite and encourage others to post a confession of their own in the comments.

Confessions can be deep, funny, emotional, hysterical, happy, sad, angry, ranting, thankful, wishful, wistful, regretful, joyful, simple or complex. They can be dreams, regrets, wishes, goals, disappointments or surprises. Confessions can be posted using your name, a clever profile name or anonymously.

For myself, the confession I post will be meant for public knowledge about me. That said, I intend to also anonymously post confessions intermingled among others that I don't necessarily want to be known by family and friends who read.

Today I confess...

that I am another year older...and all the happier for it!

I know there are plenty of people, men and women, who dread aging.  I know women are more prone to this.  As I've said plenty of times before, I'm a very backwards thinker.  I love aging.  Half a century is not far off now.

My body isn't as svelte or as firm as it once was but I really love it these days.  Sure, I'll work at losing a few pounds that I'm not pleased with but this body of mine and me, we're so familiar with each other now.  I think back to my 20's and even 30's and remember how insecure I was about my body and how I never appreciated its good points and lamented at particular traits that I wished away and wanted to change.  How great it would have been if I'd had the wisdom to appreciate it back when it was fresh and dewy.

My body now carries the marks of my life's greatest accomplishment, my children.  I'm happy that I have stretch marks from giving my children life, my breasts earned their heaviness and comfortably settled position from nursing.  The scars and marks on my body show the adventures I've been on and some small challenges my body brought me through.

I think about the angst and emotional turmoil I put myself through when I was younger.  I've learned how to let go of mental anguish, emotional pain and most of all fear.  I believe everyone gets bullied once they get to a certain point in school and I think all but a rare few fall into the habit of living in fear; fear of rejection, fear of standing out, fear of being overlooked, fear of judgment, fear of not being accepted.  Wouldn't it have been great to live back then with my current philosophy of "no more fear"?

I know now that for the most part, everyone else is so busy living in their own fear they don't have time to waste thinking about little old me.  I also know that those bullies bullied out of fear even greater than my own.  Fear is a crippling, useless emotion and I'm so happy that it no longer factors in my life.

I think back to the way I used to worry and stew over situations, people, work.  What a waste of amazing and precious energy.  Today I know that there will always be tough times in life...and that IS life.  Life is no bed of roses, that's certain.

From this age, I can look back and know that I've hit plenty of tough times, including ones that I came through well without understanding how, even now.  I've come through financial strife, heartbreak, abuse, loss, anger and hatred and I know there is still a lot more to come.  I made it through then.  Whatever else comes along I will make it through in future as well.  Optimistically, I believe that the lessons I learned in the past will make the tough times to come seem like a cakewalk in comparison to events of the past.

I remember how I used to fret about every moment and moments from last week and moments from when I was 6 years old and on and on.  Now I squeeze joy, appreciation & gratitude out of every moment, I live looking forward, knowing that right now, I'm living my "happily ever after".

A quote I really love:

"Whatever the past has been, you have a spotless future." - Unknown


Yup.  Another notch on my belt of life.  And that belt is looking pretty darn beautiful, I must say!

As always, I welcome comments on my confession.

What about you? 
How do you feel about getting older?  Do you have a confession you'd like to share?

Remember, you can do it using your name, a profile name or anonymously.  Just click "...added their 2 cents" below to open the comment box.  I'd love to hear your confession!

2 comments:

  1. I enjoy getting older too, for the same reasons - age smoothes the 'neuroses' of youth, and the added perspective more than makes up for the loss of perfection. I'm still pretty young, but the difference from a decade ago to now is fantastic. I look forward to one day being an old lady with all my faculties and a sharp tongue :)

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  2. Mother Mary of somebody or other.... It's about time someone broke the comment ice. I've been checking in here over and over only to find no comments. I don't want to keep hogging first comments. I figured I'd share it up but I nearly had to break down here. It's been nearly a month and a half. Patience: not always a virtue.

    Once again a bit of a differing opinion we have. I used to play by the river a lot when I was a kid. I used to find myself in situations where there were large gangs of kids walking toward me. I still am on roads where there are large vehicles driving. Fear has kept me alive thus far. One friend dead at the age of four, crushed under a truck fearlessly driving his tricycle down the road. I've been cornered and beaten lots by groups of bullies but not nearly as many times as I would have had I not run away in fear when I had the chance. I've seen a few friends of mine slip and catch themselves falling on icy rocks by the river or scurrying back just in time as the ice on the riverbank started cracking. I find fear quite useful in moderation.

    I do understand what you're saying though. I'm sure you weren't referring to that sort of stuff but it is the same emotion. I find that emotional control is the key to maximizing the life experience. That being said, I will admit that I am overly cautious and it has probably cost me some good times. Mind you they could have been bad times too. You never know. I'm just not the "don't know if you don't try" sort. Keeps me from even trying drugs. Some people get stung with that attitude and no common sense to go along with it.

    I've never really thought about aging in a fearful way. I just don't put my existence in terms of how old I am. When my kids try to make me feel old by mentioning my age I just tell them that I'll outlive them by a few thousand years anyways so it doesn't matter.

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I'd love to hear your two cents!